Awakened

I am currently reading a book about codependency that my counselor encouraged me to read… I have to admit, I knew the moment I walked into her office that I was codependent; however, it was a hard thing to fully come to terms with… Until she encouraged me to read this absolutely incredible book that I wish someone would have told me about years ago… It is written by another codependent (who is also an addictions counselor and recovering alcoholic), and to say it is profound doesn’t even do it justice. The truth is, whether you are (or were) in a relationship with an addict/alcoholic, are a recovering or active alcoholic or addict, or neither of those people, you can still be a codependent. How? There are SO MANY LEVELS of codependency and so many different forms of it. It is a disease, just like alcoholism. As the alcoholic craves a drink to “cure” their view of themselves, codependents crave rescuing people for the same temporary high. We do not feel good about ourselves, so we crave “helping” someone to give us the minute feeling of happiness. The catch is that this “helping” isn’t helping, it is rescuing… Which sends us in a downward emotional spiral of confusion, disappointment, resentment, and anger.

Why am I so inspired to address this today? Well, I read a part of the book that really just spoke to me. It had a paragraph about the biblical story of Mary and Martha and how Martha was (by definition) a codependent… and how Jesus called her out on it when she entered the persecution/victimization stage of her rescuing tendencies. This woke me up a bit because, as the author states, Jesus held people responsible for their behavior…. And He still does. This is what I see Him doing in my life. For the first time, in well forever, I am not playing the victim today! I have asked myself since the very moment my husband approached me with being an alcoholic “why us? why this? why me”…. And maybe everything, every little thing, is really a part of my journey to recovery and to self-awareness too. Just maybe I should start saying thank you that I have been awakened to my own flaws so young so that I can own them and address them before I have a family, or move on in friendships, relationships, my marriage, etc…

Today is a WONDERFUL day! Why? Because I am alive! And also, because I am AWARE. Aware of me, my feelings, my reactions. I am not a victim, and really the only person who can victimize me is ME. My life is shaped by my reactions to what happens around me. Wow, what an empowering feeling.

Happy Tuesday, Friends 🙂